Last week, I spoke at an area MOPS group on the topic of how your husband is just is man. Every time, I speak on this topic, I can be sure that it is a message that I need hear again (and I did). I promised the MOPS Moms that I would post it again on my blog and so here it is. May it be a reminder to all of us, to let God be the one to turn to fulfill our needs, expectations and desires…
Believe it or not, your husband is just a man…
A while ago, a former MOPS Mom came up to me and told me that she thinks about something I said every day. My initial thought as she said this was, “oh no – what did I say”, but I was assured by her words when she stated these words back to me… “My husband is just a man.”
As Bill and I prepared for our marriage, my anticipation was that Bill would be the one who would always make me happy, secure and loved. And while the Lord gave me a wonderful man to journey through life with – he is just that – a man. He has never been (even after 34+ years of marriage) a prince, a superman or a perfect man.
For years, I had huge expectations and put pressure on Bill to be my all in all, to make me feel loved and secure. I was so frustrated and disappointed each time he did not live up to my expectations. I tried all kinds of woman manipulation (you know, crying, nagging, silence, Bible verses ….) to get him to do what I wanted. Yet, I was disappointed, not because Bill wasn’t trying, but because God was teaching me that no man/woman/child/friend can replace what only God can provide. My desire to be loved, secure and happy can only be found through my relationship with the living God.
I remember the specific time and place when God reminded me that only HE could provide what I was wanting Bill to do for me. The Lord made it very clear to me that Bill is just a man – and God did not make him to meet my every need. Only God Himself could do that.
So my dear friends please remember, that just as God reminded (and continues to remind) me – my husband (and yours) is just a man, created in God’s image but not created to be everything we need. He is going to make mistakes, disappoint you and fail – all men and women do. We, as the women who journey beside them need to allow them to be just a man who deal with their own inadequacies (remembering too how we are also just women, human and broken).
Then allow God to be the one you ultimately trust, long for, put your security in and provider. Only God can be what you want and need. All humans, husbands, parents, children, friends and even ourselves will disappoint us again and again – but God is all we need. He can fill our longings and that will free us to love our husbands as the men that they are.
Bill – if and when you read this – thank you for being “just my man” over these past 34+ years and for allowing me to be just a woman. I pray that we will always remind each other that only God is capable of meeting our needs.
“This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust Him.” Psalm 91:2
Your Husband is Just a Man
Questions for a Discussion Group (such as MOPS groups or for yourself to ponder and journal_:
1. What expectations did you have about marriage and husbands before you got married? (be general – no specifics about your husband) Do you currently still have these expectations?
2. Where did these expectations come from – movies, books, parents, other couples ????
3. How have you expressed your disappointment & frustration when your husband has not lived up to your expectations? When you act in this way, how does it make you feel about yourself?
4. What are a couple of the pressures or expectations you could take off of your husband’s responsibilities that would make it easier on him and you?
5. What are some practical ways you can turn to God to meet your needs?